Church

Earth,

most Holy Church of churches.

 

People pissing in the pews

Windows either broken out or boarded up

Cigarette butts stomped into the floor

And that pile of shit and garbage

that people started in the corner

is starting to spill all over the place.

 

Gah!!!

Don’t they know this is a FUCKING CHURCH?!

 

No, they really don’t.

Their ancestors knew

but now most have been trained

not to notice.

 

And soon enough we will all die

of deprivation, poison, sickness, and violence,

corpses strewn and piled,

quiet and still

in every room.

 

The church will go on standing

but what good is a church

if no one worships there anymore.

So Far From Your Feelings

How can you stand to live

so far

from your feelings?

 

All alone out there in the world.

 

You never visit.

You never call.

You never write.

When we call

you never answer.

 

I know you’re busy

but some things you have to make time for.

 

We miss you.

At this rate we’re going to become strangers!

Would you even recognize Joy if you were in the same room?

I hate to tell you

because I don’t want you to worry

but

you really ought to know.

Joy is very sick,

withering away almost to nothing.

 

But remember the twins, Loneliness and Resentment?

They’ve grown up so big since the last time you saw them!

You’d have to see them to believe it!

 

I understand that you had to move away for a while,

get some distance,

find yourself,

but it’s time to come home and give your feelings another chance.

You moved away so young,

you really only knew us through a child’s eyes.

But you’ve matured now and

you’ll see us in a whole new way.

 

Won’t you come home,

even just for a holiday,

and get reacquainted?

 

Don’t you want to hear everyone’s stories

and learn about where you came from?

 

It’s never too late to come back

but each day that passess without us

is time you’ll never get back.

 

And each day you’ll feel

the truth

that you do miss us painfully.

 

Love,

Your Feelings

 

I Want to Meet Your Light

I want to meet your light

right at the front

of your eyes,

bright,

unclouded,

shining from deep in your center

where the hearth crackles.

I want the light to meet me

right out front

and invite me inside,

unafraid.

You’ll know it’s safe

because my light will meet you there

at the doorsteps of our souls.

And you will see clearly

into me too.

And you’ll see that I don’t want

to take anything

or change anything

or condemn anything.

You’ll see that I just want to enjoy what’s in there, that

I just want to like you.

You’ll know it’s safe

because my eyes

will be warm and opened to you,

trusting that you too will move with care and mercy,

as you come through my world

to join me

at my fire.


Why?

Looking for Connections

I am lonely. I have wonderful family, friends, colleagues, and loving relationships of many kinds. Yet I am lonely and I suffer from it. I also suffer from despair. Some say this is the human condition but I disagree. I think it’s a wide-spread, social, cultural, and (fundamentally) political condition and I live in constant rebellion against it.

This website is for me to express my deepest self publicly, in hope that I will strike a chord in others, who will send back their own echoes. I am testing the idea that I can overcome loneliness and despair by opening my inner world and inviting others in. Maybe, in turn, you will want to invite me into yours.

Trying to cure loneliness and despair over the internet is, of course, like trying to cure thirst with salt. I live in Seattle. If you’re local, maybe we should hang out. You can contact me through this website and maybe we will want to meet. (JSYK: I’m picky about who I spend my time with. Part of the reason I struggle with loneliness is that many people just want to feed on my attention and energy, so I have developed appropriate defenses. I don’t want to be around people who leave me feeling depleted. I want relationships that energize everyone involved; otherwise I prefer solitude.)

I hope that you will reach out to me if you would like to collaborate on writing or music or visual art or theater/film or zines, anything that will help us feel alive, connected, significant, and purposeful. Let’s tear down the alienating, reifying spectacle of capitalism. We can begin by ripping just one section of the fabric, the one that keeps you and me apart.

Be Bolde, Be Wyse

The name of this website comes from my family’s motto, “Be Bolde, Be Wyse.” Nobody really knows where it came from except that some ancestor was a knight and put these words on the family coat of arms. I remember seeing the coat of arms hanging up at my grandma and grandpa’s house when I was a little kid. I immediately felt that it was a command, a duty. Words have power (I mean, like magic) and this motto gives me strength, guidance, and accountability.